After 123 years of forgetting Lloydminster existed, the Northwest Territories (N.W.T) is once again staking its claim to the city with what they call the best border ever.
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“We couldn’t believe Lloydminster still existed,” said a representative writing on behalf of R.J. Simpson, N.W.T’s premier. “It was simple. We know the best border makers in Canada and they popped this bad boy up in a few hours. We’ve reclaimed our portion of Lloydminster.
“Not only is the border beautiful, but it connects perfectly to the Alberta, Saskatchewan border everyone’s always raving about.”
Simpson, who couldn’t be reached at press time as he was admiring the wall from just outside the city, could be heard shouting at the wall, “It’s even better in person.”
Although the border is very large and painted blue and white to symbolize N.W.T’s colours, some local residents are voicing their concerns over having another border in the Border City.
“What could we possibly need another border here for,” questioned Theodore Rappleton, a resident who’s been in Lloyd for 146 years. “I already can’t see over the border as is, we have this giant T-shaped structure with these three borders.
“What’s next, another set of border markers?”
Simpson, who was still in the vicinity, could be heard shouting with glee at the idea.
“They could be blue,” he shouted back over the border with his newly-acquired megaphone.
The borders are 100 feet tall and run from Highway 17 and 12 St. all the way north to Highway 17 and 65 St. and extend west and east to the city limits.
The new border, and new connection to the existing border, has caused some complications with sightlines, travel and aircraft. Some experts say this is exactly what Lloydminster needed.
“These borders are genius. No longer can people just spy on their neighbours or really see other people in the city, now they can stay in their sections of Alberta, Saskatchewan and the Northwest Territories,” said Manfield Cazar, a border expert at the University of Alberta.
Reading the border designs, which were drawn on a McDonald’s tray, Cazar points to the expert dimensions and construction of the borders.
“Look here, Alberta and Saskatchewan really paved the way with their borders, and now the Northwest Territories took that to new heights, pun intended,” he said, giggling at his own joke. “The modern design really adds to the beauty of it. It’s not just a wall; it’s a marvel of human ingenuity.
“If you’re brave enough, or have enough free time, you could climb the wall, somehow, and then ride the border markers like a slide back down.”
Visiting the southeast side of the border, one long-time protestor says it’s time the walls came down.
“These borders are dividing us, not uniting us,” exclaimed John Fee. “I’ve been here for three years, day in and day out, yelling at this wall hoping it comes down. Honestly, I can’t even see the Costco from here!”
When asked for comment from the government’s of Alberta, Saskatchewan and the Northwest Territories, they agreed. “Just build a tunnel under it.”
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