Former TSN sports journalist Michael Landsberg was at the Vic Juba Theatre on Nov. 10 to share his story, and help end the stigma around mental illness and addiction. Photo Jeannette Benoit-Leipert
Known best for his career as a sports journalist on TSN’s ‘Off the Record’, Michael Landsberg has become an important voice for those who struggle with mental illness and/or addiction.
On Nov. 10 he brought his personal story to those in attendance at the Vic Juba Community Theatre during an intimate and interactive presentation.
“My story and my ability to make a difference in someone’s life is no different than any of you in the audience if you were up here and you wanted to share your story. We all have that power in us,” said Landsberg.
“The more casual this is, the more it feels like a conversation, the better it is, I think,” he said as he began his presentation, sitting on the edge of the stage.
“I was really, really affected by anxiety as a kid. My earliest memories are of just worrying all the time, and I came from a wonderful home,” said Landsberg.
“But I had no idea there was something wrong with me because I never lived in anyone else’s brain.”
He said because of his anxiety, he had very little self-confidence outside of the house.
“In my house I could be this person who was gregarious and extroverted, but outside the house I was too worried. In school I was going ‘oh god, don’t ask me a question’. I was a totally different person.”
Although mental illness often leads to addiction, he said his mental illness didn’t because he suffers from emetophobia—the fear of vomiting.
“My brother, when he was 16, started to drink, which made me incredibly anxious,” said Landsberg.
“I would look at him and think ‘oh my god, what’s he doing?’ And ironically, he was self-medicating for his anxiety. Two kids in the family. Both of us have this terrible anxiety, but neither one has ever mentioned it to the other one.”
His brother eventually became a doctor but still struggled with alcohol and prescription drug addiction. He went to rehab following a mandatory surgery, was diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder and was finally properly medicated. He has been sober for over 20 years now.
“I’m so proud of him. I’ve learned so much from him,” Landsberg said.
In a recent conversation with his brother, he asked what was going through his head when he was struggling with addiction.
“He said ‘I just thought I was a loser. I just thought everyone else can control their urges. Everyone else can have one drink or two drinks or whatever, but I had to get drunk all the time. I guess I’m just weak.’”
“Until he found out he was replacing the alcohol and drugs with an anti-depressant, it saved his life. It gave him his life back.”
Landsberg said his struggle with mental illness unfolded very differently than his brother’s.
“Things happen so slowly when it comes to mental health and addiction. It doesn’t happen right away. It’s this tiny change that happens to you, and it’s so small that you don’t notice it’s happening,” Landsberg explained.
“You don’t know your life is changing. And for me, I didn’t know I was disappearing. That I was becoming somebody I didn’t want to be.”
Landsberg said there was a certain moment where he realized he was losing himself to mental illness.
His producer asked if he would accompany him to a screening of the new Vin Diesel movie and he turned it down. Immediately after hanging up the phone, he had a moment of clarity.
“I started thinking ‘wow, that’s not the only thing I’ve turned down’. I started to retroactively evaluate my life for the previous eight or nine months, and realized all the things I had stopped doing,” said Landsberg.
“I realized at that point how I had totally retreated from life. Even though I kept doing things, but in my mind, I wasn’t there.”
That’s when he decided to go to a psychiatrist and started his journey to mental wellness.
He encourages people who have battled addiction or mental illness to speak about their experiences, as it can be helpful to others and themselves.
“We all think we’re the only ones, right? That’s the thing about mental illness and addiction if you’re in the closet. You think you’re the only one,” said Landsberg.
“That is at the heart of the stigma. The perception of weakness. The idea that somehow this is self-inflicted. That somehow, I’ve let this happen to me because of weakness.”
That is the basis for his #sicknotweak community on X (formerly Twitter). You can also find out more at sicknotweak.com.
